Firstly, one of the biggest problems with being single is that it we are constantly bombarded with messages from media- that make it seem as though something is wrong with you being okay with just working on yourself. Such that it seems our generation (90’s kids, who dis?) has a distorted perception of the purpose that being singleness serves in our lives.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing quite as beautiful as having your own person and enjoying the company of this amazing human. However, I do not agree with the view of singleness that is perpetuated throughout our society. It seems as though you’re only as interesting as the relationship you’re in or the person you’re with. As though this person validates your worth as a person.
Being single is the phase where you completely, wholly and fully belong to yourself. Not to say that you’re the subject of another person when in a relationship, but how a single person navigates life is completely different to that of a person who is not.
As a single person, you get the opportunity to curate the kind of space where you’re able to journey to the corners, deep coves and hidden facets of yourself. Even the parts you’d once forgotten! Getting to a point where you’re able to grow your knowledge of your passions, vision and self-worth. Such that leaves you so anchored in your purpose, that no matter what person comes or goes, you remain intact because you know what you bring to the table, and the person you will soon become.
We need to be careful not to rush the process. Being too quick to run with anything that comes along because it feels ‘convenient’ for the time being. Or rather running with anyone due to the fear of being “alone”. One of the most dangerous things is entering into something, not knowing who you are nor your self-worth. You end up changing to fit into what you perceive the other person expects. Compromising before and apart from comprehension.
Without having gone through the process of knowing yourself, and I mean extensively, there is no anchor to keep you from being pulled and swayed by the ocean currents that flows.
Apart from the aforementioned, what seems to be a bigger problem with being single is, that is appears unfathomable that an individual can, in fact, find contentment in it?
As if being single is a famished wilderness where Drake songs prevail, because Nothing was the Same, (No offence to Drake, because he’s the GOAT.) But, the point I’m making here is that it is possible to confidently adorn this stage of your life. The world is literally your oyster.
We engage with different dynamics of relationships in our everyday lives. There’s beauty in watering the garden you’re in and tending to the rose beds that are already blossoming. The relationships that we have with that current people we fellowship with, should be cherished just as much.
Life is happening NOW.
Don’t spend so much time anticipating the future arrival of that significant other, that you miss out on the beautiful fleeting moments with people that are ready, available and present to enjoy them with you, in this moment...
Have you ever read the quote that says: ‘The friend that usually gives the best relationship advice is always the one that is single.’? We’ve all been this person. It’s hilarious because it’s partly accurate. But a part of me finds this quote problematic. It’s only humorous because it is ironic. There’s an underlying suggestion that people without ‘partners’ are presumably deemed to be “bad” at relationships. But, what defines a relationship anyway?
A person can still flourish and have abundant connections with other people even if not all forms of such relationships take the romantic stance.
So the actual “problem with being single” is that there isn’t really a problem at all. It’s all just a misconstrued narrative that we’ve unknowingly stigmatized. We need to unlearn it, because the moment it clicks, you realise that SO MUCH MORE abounds WITHIN you and is happening FOR you.
If you’re questioning why you keep finding yourself in this ‘desert place’, don’t instinctively blame yourself for being in it- whatever that desert place may be. It could just be a matter of you needing to spend some time with yourself. Getting to know yourself again. Getting a greater perspective of what actually anchors you. As you start to water this garden that has been given into your hands it shall blossom.
Trust your process. and always remember to be patient with yourself
Xx
Tsitsi G
I remember this shoot like it was yesterday. Breezing through the idyllic sculptured streets of Llandudno, Cape Town. Accompanied by the amazing photographer Qiqa Maboza. He made the creative flow of things so effortless. We just spent the afternoon trying out different spots and tip toe’ing on the lush beach sand. It was not until the last hour of the shoot day, that we found this neat blue picket-like fence wall. The best part about the aesthetic of it? You guessed it, PALM TREES!
Check out his photography page here & Give his personal page a follow whilst you’re at it!
Beautiful well said ,,thhx tsii