It’s crazy to think that what we most conceal beneath our multiple faces, is the very catalyst that ignites a profound (and meaningful) spark with another person.
I, myself, have always found it a challenge to fully let my walls down. Even with people that have been close to me. It was always a case of keeping the guard up at the fear of being judged for what lay beneath.
In select instances, that I can almost count on my fingers, I’d let that guard down. Unconsciously allowing myself to unravel before this other human. Freeing myself of the mental blockages I’d initially created to protect my pride. Such that, in my experience, always proved to result in the most beautiful element of interaction.
Vulnerability.
After researching thousands of people on their life experiences, biases and perception on the dynamics of human interaction, Brené Brown in her book, The Power of Vulnerability, explains, so beautifully, the following findings: “In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen. Really seen.”
We so often link vulnerability to shame. Before we can show love and belonging to the people around us, it is necessary that we believe that we, ourselves, are were worthy of that same affection and love and belonging.
After the thousands of interviews conducted, asking individuals questions of fears and their perception of relationships, a distinguishable group of individuals was able to be identifiable from the greater majority of interviewees.
This group of people were the select bunch of participants that expressed the courage to be imperfect. Each said to have the compassion to love themselves first, before being able to show compassion to those around them. They admitted to have learnt that true connection came about when you let go of who you think you should be in exchange for being who you are. Such connection in interactions was ignited when vulnerability was fully embraced.
This meant having the willingness to have an uncomfortable sense of courage. Bringing yourself to admit wrong-doing to a person you’ve offended. Expressing to someone you care about, when they’ve offended or hurt you. Saying “I love you” first, with no guarantees of getting it back. The above, all being the growing pains necessary to cultivate the bigger picture (No pain, no gain right?).
This uncomfortable sense of courage is the core of feelings of shame, fear and unworthiness, but it is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and gratitude! It is not possible to selectively numb negative emotions without alternatively numbing the positive emotions in the process.
We always need to make the uncertain certain, define the implicit, perfect the spontaneous etc. etc.
Whether imperfect or perfect, it is necessary to believe that you are, in fact, worthy of love and meaningful connection.
Authenticity is beautiful.
Imperfections are beautiful.
Allowing yourself to be seen (and I mean deeply seen) is beautiful. It brings along a freedom like no other. The freedom to simply exist of your own terms without having to be apologetic about it.
You. Are. Enough.
Tsitsi G
XX
This shoot was photographed by the creative Cape-Town based duo Shak and Tash Toefy of Half and Halve.